Today was utterly horrendous and there is nothing I could do about it.
I woke up around 10 AM with a sinking feeling by stomach and a headache that told me to lie back down again. I still went downstairs, fixed myself a bit of breakfast and water, had a shower, got dressed and did my makeup really nicely in vain efforts to feel better. The expression 'Fake it until you make it' came into my head so I headed downstairs, sat in the garden and just felt like I was about to breakdown ... Everything was hurting, my head felt like it was going to explode, my heart felt as if someone was stabbing it with a million needles, my stomach was in a knot. My godmother came into the garden after a while and asked if I was okay, I said yes and then said no. I didn't know what to do with myself, I felt so weak, I couldn't find words to define how I felt, I still can't.
After a while I went to bed, hoping it would take a bit of my pain away ... I couldn't sleep but I just laid there for a long time, refusing to get out, and just hoping my pain would ease itself slowly. It worked in a way, I managed to nap for 15 minutes, I felt less 'lie on the floor' bad, I went downstairs, cooked, burned myself, had some food, watched some TV, sat outside again, tried to read, failed miserably, went to bed early, sat in my bed, still very sad and thought of something my cousin told me yesterday : "How bad does it have to get ?" Love,
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